An apology and an update. 06-APRIL-2020

Antipills label sales are temporarily suspended for the foreseeable future.

If you have seen an amusing label here and are GENUINELY interested in
getting a copy to print and put on a jar of your own, please send an email to:

info
at
antipills
dot
com

( I trust you'll know better than a spambot how to turn those lines above into an email address. )

and I will simply send it to you at no charge. Please put the word NUGGET somewhere in the subject line.

For the curious, a few reasons for the change:

  • A long-term history of this site costing FAR more than my sales could cover. ( Total sales did not even cover the cost of the SSL )
  • The automated filters most servers have in place to look for and BLOCK the word "pill" appearing in ANY ads or links ( thus blocking my little comedy site entirely from anyone's view. Expensive lesson for me. )
  • Chronic and repeated glitches, breakage, errors and in general a "broken" checkout process from the very beginning, whether domestic or international.
  • Relentless spambot targeting of my posts from foreign and domestic sellers of "the blue pills". ( 'Had to delete 38,000+ comments before making this update today.)
  • My own abysmal failure at promoting these labels and bottles using social media or any other avenue.
  • If I discover some way to monetize the months of work that went into these labels and bottles, I'll try again. My deepest thanks to ALL who were kind enough to make purchases here. Especially the Actual bottles. 😉

Now back to the old posting below as it always appeared:

What Kinds of Medicines Are You Selling Here?
None. I don't sell medicine, salves, ointments, unguents, tablets, pills, drops or caplets of ANY kind.
Nothing small or edible in any way. I just sell empty bottles with silly labels.

In fact, should you decide to purchase an AntiPills container, I STRONGLY recommend that you
do NOT place any kind of REAL medication in it whatsoever!
( Do me a favor and read that last sentence again please.)

Many things can be placed inside them, but I don't sell anything here aside from the labeled bottles.

2016 Update: Also Label Downloads 🙂

You're selling EMPTY bottles? Nothing inside? Whiskey Tango Foxtrot ?!
Alright... First of all, calm down and watch your language.
We do not say "foxtrot" in this house.

Secondly . . . Why on EARTH would I decide for you what to put in
your AntiPills Container?

I don't even know what your favorite wrapped candy is.

Since you do know what your favorite candy is, you'll be able to buy your treats
locally and fill your jar with a brand new, fresh batch of it.

Besides . . If I filled them with candy, they could sit for MONTHS in storage before being sold.
Then the candy would be stale, it would not be your favorite and I'd feel like a loser for sending it out to you.

Or perhaps You won't put candy in your AntiPills Bottle at all.

Perhaps you'd like to keep erasers inside it, or office clips or gift whistles or miniature plastic cows and dinosaurs.

Other suggestions for what you might wish to fill your AntiPills Container with:
Rhymes with "Bly bent Rum"
Rhymes with "Bly bent Rum"
Rhymes with "Glickers"
Rhymes with "Glickers"
Rhymes with "Blue bees
Rhymes with "Blue bees"
Rhymes with "Lee Seas "
Rhymes with "Lee Seas "
Silly Toys
Silly Toys
Rhymes with "N and Nzzz"
Rhymes with "N and Nzzz"
Gaming Dice
Gaming Dice
Rhymes with "Udder Lingers"
Rhymes with "Udder Lingers"


 

Is This just a joke site? Or are you REALLY selling these bottles?
I am REALLY selling these bottles. ( ...and Label files )

As to whether this site is a "Joke", well . . . I'm only just learning
WordPress . . and I'm doing my best . . so . . . "sniff" . . .
cut me some slack ok ?? Don't be so hurtful.

( Truly, the main purpose behind all of this is to make visitors laugh, or at least
smile a little. So . . . yes the site is meant to be satirical and humorous, but the
labels and bottles are also for sale if folks want them. )

What are the bottles made of and how big are they ?
They're made of glass ( so don't play "catch" with them ) and
they're 5 3/4" tall by 3.17" across.

Where did you get these Labels?
I wrote the copy for them.
Designed them.
Generated all of the graphics for them.
Printed them and fixed them to the
glass medicine jars myself.
Luckily, I did not have to out-source any of these tasks, otherwise I'd have had to fire myself.

What's so special about the downloadable label files?
They are exactly the same files I print out when I make the AntiPills Bottles.
They're High Resolution images (magazine quality 300 dots per inch )
that will re-size very well if you need to stretch them taller or wider to fit your
preferred jar or bottle. No loss of image quality. 🙂

Are they Dishwasher Safe?
No.
In fact, I'm pretty sure ANY container you happen to own with a label
glued to it will be MINUS that label if you put it in a dishwasher.

My recommended cleaning method would be to use a damp cloth or paper towel, inside and out.
Should you decide to fill your AntiPills bottle with a liquid, please try to keep
it dry on the outside. The label is coated with a glossy sealant.
It's moisture RESISTANT . . but not water-proof.

If I put my favorite candy in an AntiPills Bottle, will it become energized by the psychic
properties of narrative causality and actually WORK just as the label promises?

Short answer: No.
Long Answer: NNNnnnoooOOO.

Why do you have so many stolen Shakespearean references scattered in these labels?
I placed them there for several reasons.
One, to make you feel super smart for noticing them. Well done. 🙂
Two, Shakespeare was quoted and misquoted a lot 100 years ago even without the internet or daily screensavers.
And Three . . . I enjoy those plays, no matter WHO wrote them. I'm also of the opinion
that these labels, like Shakespeare ( How's THAT for Hubris eh? ) are a LOT more fun to PERFORM
rather than just read quietly.

The characters on ALL of my AntiPills Containers keep looking at me.
Their eyes follow me around the room. Is that normal?
No. Clearly their souls are trapped within the Jars and
you will have to FREE them before you ( and they ) can experience peace.

To do this . . . Un-screw the cap and give the inside a few short bursts
of Canned Air. . . . done.