Are You lookin' at me? Are you lookin' at ME ??!! . . . Of Course you are! 'Cause these pills WORK By Cracky!!
The Meek Shall Inherit Exactly Two Things: Jack and Squat!
Do you disappear in a crowd? Do you meld into the background? Are you so easy to overlook that even mosquitos won’t land on you for a bite? Are you tired of being ignored, dismissed and pushed aside by oblivious bystanders, meandering menials and careless clerks?
Those days are OVER my good friend! You hold in your hand a remedy that will turn you from a "faint flicker" to a Blinding Lighthouse Beacon!! Your mumbled sentences will become Royal Proclamations! Your barely audible chuckles will become Explosive, Barking, Donkey Snorts! Your tentative and timid footfalls will become the ground shuddering Hammer Stomps of a Drunken Rhino! Don't knock lightly on the doors of Life, KICK THEM OPEN and cartwheel in Announcing your arrival! Anyone injured by your entrance will have a story to tell!
Help Syrus Help YOU! The Pills Can’t do it alone! Don't be a Lazy weasel! Here are some tips:
~*~ No more speaking. ALWAYS SHOUT! A world that ignores you has EARNED a higher volume. ~*~ When not shouting, do all of your breathing through a harmonica. ~*~ Use a pocket mirror to reflect the sun directly into the eyes of anyone nearby. ~*~ If alone in a changing room trying on clothes, scream "Oh my GOD I'm so FAT!!" over and over at the top of your lungs.
~*~ NEVER wear an article of clothing that isn’t PLAID. Color matching? That’s the OTHER guy’s problem! ~*~ TRIPLE the amount of cologne or perfume you use. This may sound expensive, but not if you buy the CHEAPEST kind! ~*~ Scream "Spyrokeet!!" randomly for no reason.
With a fundamental change of attitude and a few doses, you'll erase your ‘suffering silence’ and become VISIBLE FROM THE HEAVENS while standing in a Mardi-Gras Parade!!
© 2016 www.antipills.com - This Novelty/Entertainment container was sold empty.
Do not ingest any contents, edible or otherwise, unless you placed it in here yourself!
It's Time For Others to Be Shoved out of YOUR way!
When you enter a restaurant, Knock over a few trays, tables and patrons as you rush to select your OWN seating. Order 12 Pork-Fried Jelly Donuts with LOTS of Ketchup and Slam your fists repeatedly on the table, rattling the cutlery and upsetting the glasses until your food arrives. If it does not meet your standards, don't meekly nibble at it for a while and sneak off to pay the check . . . That's the OLD you!! After my remedy, You'll leap onto the Table with a well-chewed mouthful and SPRAY IT ACROSS THE ROOM! As they drag you out, scream curses at the chef in as many languages as you can muster!! Ignore the stress! You will be remembered forever!
" I took only a SINGLE DOSE of Syrus Wiggler’s Anti-Invisibility Pills. I was so easy to notice, every Tom Dick and Harry who took a swing at me Couldn't miss! " - Satisfied Customer
For Romance . . ( and isn't this REALLY why you want to stand out? ) . . nothing wins over a heart-throb like a well Screamed Song! With time, practice and enough of my pills, you'll be able to boldly stand at any crossroads and Scream TWO SONGS at ONCE, attracting your mate like the very Dinosaurs of Old!!
IN CASE OF OVERDOSE: Discontinue use for a while. This will likely be a simple matter, as most law enforcement officers will not return this medication to you until AFTER you have posted Bail.