Tape Measures are for Suckers! . . . Work Fast and Swear Often!
Eschew All Tradesmen and Send Them Packing!
Forget that silly birdhouse you've been struggling with
friend! Prepare to build a Roll-top Desk! A Grandfather Clock! A
Harpsichord! AND, An English Mansion to put them in! Jethro Ballpeen's
Instant Handyman Formula will infuse you with DECADES of hard-earned
knowledge along with a LIFETIME of dexterity and skill! After just a
few doses, you will be working EXPERTLY with every tool and material
known to man!
These miraculous tablets (which taste amazingly like candy)
will have you reading blueprints and mixing cement in your SLEEP! Why
fix the toaster? Why not build a custom convection oven? Why fix the
porch step? Why not CARVE a whole new porch out of mahogany! Why fix
the screen door? Why not build a new house!!?
© 2015 www.antipills.com - This Novelty/Entertainment
container was sold empty. Do not ingest any contents, edible or
otherwise, unless you placed it in here yourself!
Many claim that skill does not come in a bottle.
To them, I must emphatically reply: " Shut Up ! ! "
With my Formula, you will quickly transform from a hapless
woodbutcher to a MASTER CRAFTSMAN! Set your sights on building
everything from 3-Masted Galleons to Chinese puzzle boxes! The Great
Pyramids of Giza will be child's play for you to re-create in a
weekend! ( At one/one millionth scale . )
“I took a SINGLE DOSE of Jethro Ballpeen's Instant Handyman Formula and
was able to order a complete set of carpentry tools by mail without
causing injury to myself nor expensive damage to my property!" -
!! Added Bonus !! Once you have begun your regimen with
Jethro's Formula, your eyeballs will begin to become CALIBRATED! Yes!
Just by LOOKING you will be able to measure your saw cuts and bit
depths to within MICRONS of accuracy without a ruler! (Quantities of
microns will vary. They'll vary by a lot ok? 'Just sayin'.)