Don't you point that open mind at me . . . Seal it shut with my Psalve!
Psychics Surround You! Protect Your Brain!
Not all clairvoyants, sensitives and mediums reveal their presence. Your secret, inner thoughts might be exposed at any instant. There COULD be a psychic standing right next to you this very moment! Apply my Psalve to your forehead, neck, temples and behind both ears. It will thwart ALL attempts to delve into your shameful, depraved memories and filthy daydreams. As a former renowned Psychic and Soothsayer, I once plied the trade of reading minds and mapping out futures using my special gifts. What’s that I hear you think? “You need Proof”? Why I’ll demonstrate it right here and now.
Eustice...The color you are thinking of is RED. Gladys...You will NOT meet a tall, handsome stranger. You will meet a short, dumpy middle-aged man with halitosis. Ickabod . . . Your Uncle’s Spirit did NOT take your house keys. They fell behind the dresser you dumb %#&$. I won’t waste more time belaboring the obvious. I AM a gifted psychic, and I KNOW the danger you poor ‘normals’ face. I don’t care if your guiding planet is waning, waxing, gibbous, in retrograde, tardigrade, passing grade or entering the house of pancakes. You NEED protection from others of my kind so that your gross, vile, utterly disgusting inner thoughts* do not remain exposed! Secret mind readers can see them and repeat them loudly to others!
*Write to me with detailed descriptions of these thoughts and I shall reply with custom instructions for using this Psalve to shield them most effectively.(Detailed descriptions please…)
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Slam the Door On Hidden “Madamz” and “Swameez”!
You are in dangerous proximity to HUNDREDS of Secret Psychics every day! Especially if you live in the Big City. They are complete strangers and yet ALL of them will seek to uncover your darkest erotic musings. There could be two of them right behind you on the subway. Another straight ahead of you in front of the Automat. Apply my PSalve heavily to thwart them! They will be easy to spot in a crowd when you notice their sudden frustration. Go ahead! Gaze into their faces KNOWING they can no longer read your mind! Watch them squirm and avert their eyes in discomfort as you hover inches away, staring them down!
“ I used only a SINGLE DOSE of Dame Dingo’s Anti-Psychic Psalve and every Psychic I visited was CONVINCED that I was dead from the neck up. No thought whatsoever! ...So...basically...no change. ” - Satisfied Customer
IN CASE OF OVERDOSE : Applying too much Psalve may result in your inability to read your OWN mind, causing forgetfulness, disorientation and an outrageously greasy stink head. Dip your entire head in Soap Flakes and let that settle into the Psalve for 24 hours. NOTE: This may make your appearance in public slightly embarrassing, but not nearly as embarrassing as what you were just thinking. Good Gracious! Aren’t YOU the unholy, demented, hedonistic, insatiable, sensual little sinner. ( ...Remember...DETAILED...descriptions.)