You were BORN to be a Leader! . . . Now Do As I Say and Smear This On Your Face!
TAKE CHARGE - TAKE MONEY - TAKE ALL THE CREDIT !!
Congratulations my fellow Captain of industry! You have discovered a treasure trove of medicine that I promise will make you a prime example of any high level, blood sucking Corporate Executive! Did I Say "blood sucking"? I meant hard working. My embrocation will grow instinctual skills and methods within you that will insure your triumph in any capitalist crisis! Dismiss ALL annoying "facts" brought to you by so called "specialists". Follow your gut intuitions and lash out quickly with rapid, vague and contradictory orders! Never mind the rocks, or steering the ship, just whip the crew !
Keep your people widely separated, uninformed and wastefully duplicating each other's efforts. Change their deadlines frequently, cut their funding and staff in half, then sweep in at the last minute with "vital" changes ! Use the word "Leverage" a LOT. That always keeps those little bugs on their toes. Did I say "bugs"? I Meant valued company assets. When your projects crash and burn, it will obviously be THEIR fault for failing to carry out your instructions. If by some miracle they succeed, then it was Obviously YOUR inspiring leadership that carried them to victory! Take FULL credit for it!
© 2015 www.antipills.com - This Novelty/Entertainment container was sold empty. Do not ingest any contents, edible or otherwise, unless you placed it in here yourself!
Become the Envy of all your Scape Goats! Did I Say "scape
goats" ? I meant "colleagues".
If you're forced to write your own memos and reports, always
get some low level grunt to correct your spelling and grammar errors.
Did I say Errors? I meant "Charming Quirks". Now Increase the dosage of
my pills and DEMAND a pay raise! Use the windfall of company wealth
that will be realized when you fire those teams who complete the most
work. Sure, they have experience, skill and knowledge, but they're
EXPENSIVE! Sweep them out the door and bring in fresh, young disposable
chumps who will break their humps for pennies.
" I took only a single dose of Abner Grabbit's Executive Embrocation. I pounded my fist on my boss's desk and DEMANDED a Pay Raise. Now . . . My time is completely free for pursuing exciting new projects! " - Satisfied Customer
Lower employee salaries and drastically reduce the quality of
your product. (Who CARES about the clients, it's the INVESTORS that
need to be constantly fooled. Did I say "fooled"? I meant satisfied.)
Spend more on expense accounts, long vacations, a company limo and
elaborate renovations to your private offices. Above ALL ELSE, make
sure you promise the impossible with sincerity and confidence! Never
mind "HOW" it can be done, that's for the pathetic little peons to
figure out! Reap outrageously high pay for all the responsibility
you're taking on and suffer NO personal consequences for your
decisions! Failure? That's the other guy's problem. Did I Say
"problem"? I meant FAULT.