{"id":216,"date":"2015-08-13T00:10:22","date_gmt":"2015-08-13T04:10:22","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/antipills.com\/?page_id=216"},"modified":"2020-04-06T12:56:20","modified_gmt":"2020-04-06T16:56:20","slug":"ethel-triptomeens-other-land-snuff","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/antipills.com\/index.php\/empty-medicine-jars-with-detailed-satirical-labels\/ethel-triptomeens-other-land-snuff\/","title":{"rendered":"Ethel Triptomeen’s “Other Land Snuff”"},"content":{"rendered":"

I was totally lost before I invented this Snuff. . . . I'm still totally lost, but now I'm just enjoying it.<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div>

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!! YOUR CONSCIOUSNESS NEEDS KICKING !!<\/h4>\n

\u00a0\u00a0 Have you found yourself slowly becoming a
grim, evil eyed, sour faced universal \"Kill Joy\" ? Have you become so
toxically jaded and morose that\u00a0 your own family propels you
bodily into the cold night during the holidays? Do you Look in the
mirror and see a whining, miserable, life sucking, tedious, human grub
worm? Well Friend, I sure did! And it ALL stemmed from constant worry
over completely mundane trivia! My world view was atrocious! I feared
EVERYTHING! I was racing downhill on a bicycle to burnout in bum town!
I did not need a headache powder, I needed a miraculous mind
massage!\u00a0 A catapult of cosmic cleanser fired directly into my
brain so that I could see the world with a new perspective!<\/p>\n

I said to myself, \"The path of your whole life could turn on a
dime, Ethel Triptomeen! All you need to do is find the Cure!\" So I
traveled to the land of the INCAS and Found It! Combining a strange and
exotic species of moss, perspiration from the sacred slippery frogs of
Machu Picchu and the dried leaves of a simple folk tobacco called
\"Aolya Hoog Ooglemsn\", I have created a Superior Medicinal Snuff ! Not
only will it \"take you out of yourself\" . . it will set you down in a
world where icicles introduce themselves and EVERYTHING that everyone,
everywhere ever knew - beaches itself like a whale on your face.<\/p>\n

\u00a9 2015 www.antipills.com - This Novelty\/Entertainment container was sold empty. <\/span>Do not ingest any contents, edible or otherwise, unless you placed it in here yourself!<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div><\/div><\/div>

ACTUAL, REAL-LIFE MEDICAL DOCTORS ! *<\/h4>\n

Indulge in a dose of my snuff and take a trolley car to
talking triangle town! Let your head become a musical and invisible
elastic band, grabbed by the top, stretched all the way to Jupiter and
released to snap back. You will gain the sudden ability to taste the
number 7. Famous paintings will play themselves like symphonies before
your ears. July 4th Sparklers will take your spine out for tea, and the
sound of scraping toast will send you into an epic fugue of wonder and
ecstasy.<\/p>\n

\"I took only a single dose of Ethel Triptomeen's \"Other Land Snuff\" I have the perfect words to describe the experience but I can only pronounce them if I face the
sunrise and turn into a giant glass lizard with a Mobius tongue. . . so. . . you might want to step back a little.\" - Satisfied Customer<\/span><\/p>\n

DOSAGE: Take One Sniff of Snuff into each nasal ingress. It is
highly recommended that before you indulge, you set aside sufficient
time to re-acclimate to your prior state of myopic pettiness. Ethel
Triptomeen estimates this regression\u00a0 back to our current
reality, or \"Stupid Land\" as she calls it,\u00a0 might take seven
years.<\/p>\n

* have asked us to go away and leave them alone.<\/small> <\/p>\n

A Bouncing, Blue, Geometric Tour Guide in Every Dose!<\/h4>\n<\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div>
<\/div><\/div><\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I was totally lost before I invented this Snuff. . . . 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