{"id":207,"date":"2015-08-12T23:48:04","date_gmt":"2015-08-13T03:48:04","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/antipills.com\/?page_id=207"},"modified":"2020-04-06T13:02:48","modified_gmt":"2020-04-06T17:02:48","slug":"muriel-cheetbites-anti-nature-pills","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/antipills.com\/index.php\/empty-medicine-jars-with-detailed-satirical-labels\/muriel-cheetbites-anti-nature-pills\/","title":{"rendered":"Muriel Cheetbite’s “Anti-Nature Pills”"},"content":{"rendered":"

Keep your mind focused on antiseptic, dry and artificial thoughts! . . .\u00a0Too much mental whimsy attracts lice!<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div>

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Send \"Mother Nature\" Back To The HELL From Whence She Came !!<\/h4>\n

Welcome Fine, New Patron! Since you are holding this bottle, I must
assume that you are among the Sane and Sensible Few who recognize that
\"Mother Nature\" is the sworn eternal enemy of Humankind. Upon occasion
though, I have noticed that even the smartest of the smart set need
little reminders of that from time to time. THAT is what these pills
are for.<\/p>\n

If you suddenly develop the opinion that you should be mindful
of the Earth's ecology, or you begin to view the natural world as a
fragile, beleaguered victim of human carelessness and pollution, Grab
hold of this bottle, and take an ANTI-NATURE PILL. You will be
INSTANTLY reminded that \"Mother Nature\" is a heartless, murdering,
unjust, vicious bitch that has been trying to kill you since you took
your very first BREATH!<\/p>\n

PROTECT YOURSELF! Stay AWAY from creeping germs, Natural
Foods, and air that has not been filtered and sprayed with acid mist.
Avoid the humid, rancid outdoor breezes in the deadly heat of Summer!
Avoid the Crippling, Frigid Winds of Winter. In fact . . Try your BEST
not to experience ANY Season whatsoever! Remain indoors where PEOPLE
are meant to be! Take an Anti-Nature Pill the moment you sense an urge
to leave the clean, sealed and insulated safety of your MAN-MADE Home! <\/p>\n

\u00a9 2015 www.antipills.com - This Novelty\/Entertainment container was sold empty. <\/span>Do not ingest any
contents, edible or otherwise, unless you placed it in here yourself!<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div><\/div><\/div>

THESE PILLS ARE 100% ARTIFICIAL!<\/h4>\n

NATURE BE DAMNED! HUMANS EAT
CHEMICALS!<\/h5>\n

DO NOT Frolic madly in a Filthy Disgusting Forest! DO NOT
Stroll Barefoot on a Filthy Disgusting Beach! DO NOT Even open a Filthy
Disgusting window! Stay vigilant against foolhardy contact with snow,
ants, leaves, lizards, rain, direct sunlight, flowers,\u00a0
rodents, children, bees and the general collective STENCH of the
outdoors! If you \u201cmust\u201d look at nature, I recommend that you see it
from the cool comfort of a concrete-lined drawing room. In Photographs!<\/p>\n

\"I took only a single dose of Muriel Cheetbite's Anti-Nature Pills. I stepped out of my house
and immediately felt an all-over body itch and a wild panic attack! . .
. so\u00a0 . . . basically . . . no change.\" - Satisfied Customer<\/span><\/p>\n

In Case Of OverDose: Look in the mirror and see your face and
body being disintegrated by the forces of \"Mother Nature\". Those forces
are rooted in your bone marrow and brain, tirelessly dedicated to
destroying you completely over time. Remember also that she will
eventually kill not only you, but everyone you know. This murderous
agenda has been 100 % successful\u00a0 throughout all of history
against every thinking, feeling and aware human being who ever lived.
Ponder that this is not even an agenda driven by spite. It's just
indifferent, cold \"natural\" entropy. 'Still think you took \u2018too many\u2019
Anti-Nature Pills?<\/p>\n

A Resounding Slap of Mother Nature's Face In Every Dose!<\/h4>\n<\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div>
<\/div><\/div><\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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