{"id":116,"date":"2015-08-02T18:39:44","date_gmt":"2015-08-02T22:39:44","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/antipills.com\/?page_id=116"},"modified":"2020-04-06T12:49:35","modified_gmt":"2020-04-06T16:49:35","slug":"abner-grabbits-instant-executive-embrocation","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/antipills.com\/index.php\/empty-medicine-jars-with-detailed-satirical-labels\/abner-grabbits-instant-executive-embrocation\/","title":{"rendered":"Abner Grabbit’s “Instant Executive Embrocation”"},"content":{"rendered":"

You were BORN to be a Leader! . . . Now Do As I Say and Smear This On Your Face!<\/p>\n<\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div>

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TAKE CHARGE - TAKE MONEY - TAKE ALL THE CREDIT !!<\/h4>\n
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Congratulations my fellow Captain of industry! You have\ndiscovered a treasure trove of medicine that I promise will make you a\nprime example of any high level, blood sucking Corporate Executive! Did\nI Say \"blood sucking\"? I meant hard working. My embrocation will grow\ninstinctual skills and methods within you that will insure your triumph\nin any capitalist crisis! Dismiss ALL annoying \"facts\" brought to you\nby so called \"specialists\". Follow your gut intuitions and lash out\nquickly with rapid, vague and contradictory orders! Never mind the\nrocks, or steering the ship, just whip the crew !<\/p>\n
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Keep your people widely separated, uninformed and wastefully\nduplicating each other's efforts. Change their deadlines frequently,\ncut their funding and staff in half, then sweep in at the last minute\nwith \"vital\" changes ! Use the word \"Leverage\" a LOT. That always keeps\nthose little bugs on their toes. Did I say \"bugs\"? I Meant valued\ncompany assets. When your projects crash and burn, it will obviously be\nTHEIR fault for failing to carry out your instructions.  If by\nsome miracle they succeed, then it was Obviously YOUR inspiring\nleadership that carried them to victory! Take FULL credit for it!<\/p>\n
\n\u00a9 2015 www.antipills.com\n- This Novelty\/Entertainment container was sold empty. Do not ingest\nany contents, edible or otherwise, unless you placed it in here\nyourself!<\/span><\/div><\/div><\/div>

Become the Envy of all your Scape Goats! Did I Say \"scape
goats\" ? I meant \"colleagues\".<\/h5>\n

If you're forced to write your own memos and reports, always
get some low level grunt to correct your spelling and grammar errors.
Did I say Errors? I meant \"Charming Quirks\". Now Increase the dosage of
my pills and DEMAND a pay raise! Use the windfall of company wealth
that will be realized when you fire those teams who complete the most
work. Sure, they have experience, skill and knowledge, but they're
EXPENSIVE! Sweep them out the door and bring in fresh, young disposable
chumps who will break their humps for pennies.<\/p>\n

\" I took only a single dose of Abner Grabbit's <\/span>Executive Embrocation. I pounded my fist on <\/span>my boss's desk and DEMANDED a Pay Raise. <\/span>Now . . . My time is completely free for pursuing <\/span>exciting new projects! \" - Satisfied Customer<\/span><\/p>\n

Lower employee salaries and drastically reduce the quality of
your product. (Who CARES about the clients, it's the INVESTORS that
need to be constantly fooled. Did I say \"fooled\"? I meant satisfied.)
Spend more on expense accounts, long vacations, a company limo and
elaborate renovations to your private offices. Above ALL ELSE, make
sure you promise the impossible with sincerity and confidence! Never
mind \"HOW\" it can be done, that's for the pathetic little peons to
figure out! Reap outrageously high pay for all the responsibility
you're taking on and suffer NO personal consequences for your
decisions! Failure? That's the other guy's problem. Did I Say
\"problem\"? I meant FAULT.<\/p>\n

A Heaping Portion of Groundless Arrogance In Every Dose!<\/h4>\n<\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div>
<\/div><\/div><\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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